Put-In-Bay, Pt. 1

So, this past weekend, my closest old friends from high school and I packed (and I literally mean packed) up the car and drove up to Lake Erie. Where we hopped the Wm Market (world’s worst name for a boat, period. “They must have been drunk when they named it.” -Christina) and went over to Put-In-Bay.

Now, if you’re not from Ohio, you would (rightfully so) be very wary of vacationing on an island on one of The Great Lakes. Lame, right? No. The islands there are sooo great and Put-In-Bay is the best of them all: the party island.

We arrived at our campsite after dark and the second we stepped out of the car, our (frat boy bachelor party) neighbors swarmed over. They were already wasted but insisted on helping us put up our tent. It took twice as long as it should have, thanks to their beer goggles and double vision, but because of their help, I was able to kick back and crack open a beer.

A few beers and some black eyeliner later, we headed into town to hit the bar strip. We hit The Beer Barrel first (which boasts “the world’s longest bar”) and, much to my horror, it was EXACTLY like being in a Nashville honky tonk. Complete with a bad country cover band. My friends loved it, but I was anxious to move on. Fast. Especially when every guy there thought he could score a young college girl, just because he was drunk, on vacation and sporting a Hawaiian print shirt. Worst line of the night, as I scanned the crowd looking for my friends: “Hey babe, are you looking for me?”

We’re slightly tipsy when we leave (and I fall into a flower bed… pictures are coming soon) and head to a bar with MUCH better jams. Maybe it was the Long Island’s, but I still think Stevie Ray Vaughn covers are better than Dixie Chicks… However, the classic rock jams seemed to have attracted even older men (if that was possible), so we bopped out of there.

A couple bars later, we found ourselves back at The Beer Barrel, where Christina H. was found slow dancing and making out with a random hot guy. Woo hoo/hahaha! At last call, the lights went up and we found ourselves standing right next to … our neighbors! We laugh, hug like old friends and decide to all hang out when we get back to our campsites. I, stupidly, tell them we’ll give them a ride home, so they don’t need a cab. Yeah…. like we could fit the 6 of us and the approx. 10 of them in one car.

We tromp over to their tents when we get home, where drinking games ensue and the boys try to convince me to play Strip Never Have I Ever. Christina ends up sleeping in a pup tent and making out with one of them. (HA!) I decide to leave and “Travis” (not his real name AT ALL, but I insisted on calling him that because he “reminded me of Travis from Gym Class Heroes” … aka. He was black) walks me back. I say I need to go to the bathroom, but we are so drunk we can’t find it and wander around the woods in the dark holding hands for like 15 minutes, until we end up back at the tent. (Fun fact: You can SEE the bathroom from the tent, it’s so close. LOL)

I gather up my toiletries from my tent, put on one shoe and hike up to the bathroom. Where I manage to get my make-up off, brush my teeth, get both my contacts in their correct cases AND call Angela. All while being so drunk that I don’t even remember most of this. Miraculous

And this was just the first 8 hours of our trip…. More to come…

Warped Tour ‘08 Recap

1 pm – Relient K
=
Flashback! We randomly start off our day seeing Matty T. and the boys, who we hadn’t seen in about 2 years. Matt T. is, of course, still adorable, and they made us super happy by closing their set with the old fave, Sadie Hawkins Dance.

1:30 – The Academy Is…

We had prime positioning down front for the show, but gave them up quickly after about a hundred screaming high school girls surged forward when William came on stage, leaving us without room to move or air to breathe. We stood at a safe distance, being amazed at how big they’ve gotten since we met him almost 4 years ago. He’s still gorgeous, but, with a new short hair cut and no dancing, we are slightly disappointed. Songs are played off their upcoming album (eww) and the lead singer from We The Kings joins them for one song. Good times.

[My camera dies during TAI. Booo.
Angela: “Well, at least it went out with a bang.”
Me: “Too bad I didn’t.”]

2 – All That Remains

“We smoke weed, we drink whiskey and we will fuck your girlfriend and not feel bad about it.”
We get want to keep our good spots for the next band, so we get stuck watching ATR. The band was soooo KY (was Mikers the lead singer? Yes. Was The Cool Chap their guitarist? Yes. Was the girl from Mother’s the other guitarist? Yes.), so the crowd was intense. To put it bluntly, they sucked.

2:30 – Anberlin

I LOVE THESE GUYS! Not only did they sound fantastic, Stephen Christian is ridiculously happy and I’m in love with him. (He was sporting what appeared to be a wedding band, which I must investigate…) We had a blast dancing and singing along with them and it was quite possibly my favorite show of the day.

3ish
We roam around the merch tents killing time and end up at The Academy Is’. We wait for the boys to come out, listen to Say Anything play and meet this random guy who worked for some label, who told us an intensely personal story about his shitty ex-girlfriend and how she left him. And showed us the tattoo that immortalizes her on his ribcage: “Best Heartbreak Ever”. Wah wah L

4ish
The guys finally come out and we are welcomed into the open arms and hugs of William, much to the chagrin of the on-looking sweaty, screaming teenage girls who’ve been waiting to catch of glimpse of him for the past hour. We get to chat with him for a few minutes, which go all too fast, then are off to chill in the shade and listen to…

5 - Story of the Year
I really have no comments on them.

5:45 – The AKAs

Does anyone else have the Fueled By Ramen 04/05 Winter Sampler? Track 7? “Hey baby, come on”? Yes! It was them! We had a blast, but noticed only one lone soul in their (very small) audience singing along.

7 – We The Kings
Three things: 1) The lead singer’s overgrown hair is fantastic! 2) When did these guys get so famous? And 3) The crowd was soooo fun and possibly wins Crystal’s Crowd Participation Award for the day.

7:30 – Gym Class Heroes
Ok, so when Angela and I first encountered these guys like 3, 4 years ago, we were like … uhhhh, no. Not going anywhere. Not only were we wrong, but I think they’ve finally won us over. We had a blast at their show – the music was so fun, their beats are amazing and everyone was dancing and totally into it. The crowd was huuuge and they stole the Crowd Participation Award.

Last but not least…
8 – Family Force 5
I forget how much I love these guys every time. Until I see them. The music is ridiculously fun and catchy, everyone’s dancing and the band is sexxxxxy. During “Shake It Like An Earthquake”, the drummer gets up and balances on top of his drums, thrusting his gorgeous hips – ahhhhhh!!! Kill me now! A pretty good way to end your day, if you ask me…

These were the highlights, but we met lots of interesting people, saw even more (though, unfortunately, Andy Sixx was not one of them), heard tons of new music and lots of old favorites, and, basically sweat and sang until we were so exhausted that we went home and passed out with smiles stuck on our faces.

So, if you haven’t missed Warped Tour in yo’ city yet, get your ass there!!!

Low

So, I took my 10-year-old sister and her friends to the pool yesterday, playing the ultra-cool big sister, who lets them ride in the convertible and listen to “Don’t tell mom we’re listening to this” music (i.e. Apple Bottom Jeans). I chuckle when one of her little friends requests the song, and even more when she sings along at the top of her lungs to the chorus. But when she’s still singing along when it gets to “that’s what I told her, her legs on my shoulder” … I was like, good God!! The child’s in 3rd grade! Kind of uncomfy listening to a third grader sing about banging the shit out of someone…

Then, Angela, in an extremely rare good mood, takes the whole family out to dinner in celebration that one NKY boy proved to not to be a completely black-hearted, soulless asshole. See – that is how rare (rare, I tell you!) it is for someone in Northern Kentucky to treat you like something more than a pile of shit. The Haus Girls share my feelings on this topic, I’m sure.

Angela and I concluded our evening by rushing home before the folks and taking 3 mini-margarita shots each.

A very random day, indeed…

What’s Hot For Summer ‘08

Bud Lite Lime

I will admit: I was very adamantly against it when I heard Bud was making a knock-off of Miller Chill for this summer. Especially because Miller Chill was the beer for last summer and it’s a dream. But! I was proven wrong because Bud Lite Lime is a-maze-ing. It’s light and summery and has become my brew of choice for this year.

The Joker

What is there to say? The Dark Knight is the movie for the summer and The Joker pretty much stole the show. Heath Ledger is fab – creepy, cool, terrifying and sexy all at the same time. Pretty hard to do, if you ask me, but he did it. Flawlessly. Besides, everybody’s talking about him, making him an easy pick for this year.

Convertibles

I purchased a convertible this summer and am obsessed with it. I pretty much refuse to ride with the top up unless it’s raining. There is absolutely nothing more fun, and summery, than speeding down the road in a convertible with the sun shining and the music blaring. It’s a great feeling and I highly recommend you come ride with me this summer, or if you are unfortunate enough to not live near me, make a new friend and use them for their car.

Warped Tour

Ok, so it hasn’t happened yet, but Warped Tour is always a highlight of every summer. Picture this: hottest day of the year. Dozens of your favorite bands. 100’s of gorgeous scene men. Beer and fair food. Inevitable celebrity run-ins. Could it get any better?!?! I say no, which is why I’ve purchased my ticket for this year’s Warped Tour. (Stay tuned next week for my Warped Tour Recap. That is, if I’m alive. William Beckett and Stephen Christian all in one day? I may just die and go… “to hell real soon” [who is also going to be there, btw])

Old Friends

I wasn’t too excited about spending my first summer home in three years, but one of the things I’m loving about it is all the time I’m getting to spend with my old friends. Nothing really compares to friends who’ve seen you through the years.. bad glasses, bad haircuts, bad boyfriends and some really bad clothes. I love these guys.

Being Really Tan

I’ve formed a very close relationship with the sun this summer and am more tan than I’ve probably ever been. Which prompted Ponz to ask me when I turned into a negro. Nonetheless, I love it and realized: it’s SO fun to be tan!

Knowing Your Tolerance

This is an old “What’s Hot” classic. Knowing your tolerance is always a good idea and it’s a very nice courtesy to your friends. Puking in public, falling in front of cops and dropping strangers cell phones into water glasses is never pretty. Believe me… I know.

The Noir Series

I just finished reading Las Vegas Noir, which is the latest in a series. They’re books of short stories, each hailing from the major cities across the world. They mostly crime stories, and ones that expose the darker side of the famous places people romanticize in their minds. SO intriguing and a great read. I’m working on Brooklyn now.

Staying Friends With Someone After You Get A Girlfriend

Need I say more? This is going out to two specific people, and I do believe The Girls know who. Seriously, ditching your friends because your significant other wants you to? Are you crazy? Are they crazy? Grow up and stop treating other people like shit. It’s mean. Also, it’s just lame.

Hawaiian Tropic’s Lime Coolada

This stuff goes hand in hand with tanning and has become m’skin’s best friend. It’s a really thick, good moisturizer that helps you hold your tan longer and it smells faaaabulous. It’s kinda become the smell of the summer for me.

Put-In-Bay

Another thing that hasn’t happened yet. But, my friends and I have a weekend up at Put-in-Bay booked for next month. It’s an island on Lake Erie and is full of beaches, boats and, possibly best of all, bars. It’s basically an island to party on. I haven’t been up there since I’ve been “legal”, so this trip is inevitably going to be GREAT.

Not Having Class

Apparently, this is in this summer. A string of people who have NO class have graced our presence this summer, so much so that we’re wondering if trash is the new class? A few examples are: dumping someone over text (text!) message, swearing in front of and/or to your small children, dumping someone without even really telling them, dating a minor, and, wearing skimpy string bikini’s in front of your grandparents.

And, lastly, What’s NOT Hot For Summer ‘08

White Linen Shorts

…As I call them. I HATE these fucking things. They are only worn by girls who aren’t quite fat, but definitely don’t have the thighs to be rocking the shorts. The look horrible, aren’t flattering, aren’t young or hip looking and are all-around gross. I hate them. I understand, not everybody has good legs, it’s ok. I know it’s hot in the summer. I’m not banishing you to SweatPantsLand, but please! Go for a skirt, or something. Not these god-awful shorts.
Eww.

::insert Batman theme song::

So, after waiting with “technical difficulties” in a jam packed theatre for over a half an hour last night, I finally got to see The Dark Knight. All I have to say is:

WHAT A DREAM!!!

Let’s just say the obvious and get it out of the way – Heath Ledger was amazing and, lets be honest, was anybody not (deep down inside) actually rooting for The Joker? He was so fucking cool (and creepy), not to mention … hot. (The “custom made” clothes? Purple suit? Green vest? AHHH!)

I’m not usually a action movie fan, nor a comic book movie fan, but the 2 1/2 hrs whizzed by and I find myself wanting to see it again.

So, in true Lloyd Dobler (aka. Rob Gordon)-style, here are my Top 5 Random Dark Knight Parts:
5. The Gotham City license plates
4. The Joker in the police holding cell in his sexy clothes, demanding his phone call
3. The clowns that were actually the hostages
2. The car chase w/ the semi’s. Joker: “Move, move, move. I want to drive.”
1. The Joker in a wig, nurse’s uniform … and black socks, whilst blowing up the hospital
Picture!
Basically, GO SEE IT, if you haven’t already, and… I predict we’ll be seeing lots of jokers for Halloween this year….

Happy Birthday

Two of my best friends share the same birthday and, lucky for us, it landed on a Friday night. We gathered up the whole gang from high school, downed quite a bit of tequila, rum and vodka, then piled in some cars and set out to wreak havoc on The Arena District.

Free cover and free well drinks at Sugar lured us into to what’s usually the last bar we hit, first. Ok, so if I had a HUGE bar, and was giving away free drinks, I’d hire about 10 bartenders for that night. But Mr. Sugar apparently isn’t that smart and only had 2. TWO. The ridiculously long wait was definitely not worth it and Sugar wins World’s Weakest Drink Award!

We next bop down to The Lodge Bar, where we’re on the VIP list and Christina knows the dj. The empty dance floor does not deter us and we fill it up quickly. All of our qualms about this bar (including it’s woodsy décor, complete with stuffed grizzly bear and cougar) are erased when they start offering free shots

Christina is hammmmered by now and telling everybody she loves them about every 3 minutes. The other Christina and I make a loud toast “To broskis!”… which is random cuz we all hate broskis.

broskis – (bro-skee-z) noun; annoying 20-somthing men who frequent college bars, wear polo shirts, khakis and erroneously think they’re the shit

Next, we hit the dance floor at Brothers (something we never do, because it’s la-me.) and I ward off a guy who has the same name as my dad. Too weird.

I make the mistake of ordering Christina more drinks and she ends up crumpled at a picnic table, while I try to convince Krista that it’s not a good idea to try and swim in the baby wading pools they’ve got set up on the patio.

We decide to leave early we Christina looks like she’s about to pass out. I tell her to act sober as we stumble past the cops, but … no. She falls down the stairs, then goes around a corner and pukes. 4 times. Eric then picks her up like a baby and carries her all the way to the car, where she rides with her head completely out the window the entire 45 minute ride home, and Michelle, Krista and I are a tangled mess in the back seat.

We pull over at Meijers to pee on the way home. Which was a great idea untilllll…..

We pull over again for Krista to puke. And most of it gets out the window. Except for some that runs down Christina’s back … wah wah.

But we make it home, all of us in one piece.

End note: This story is funnier if I’d prefaced it with the fact that I’ve known these people since elementary school, and none of us used to drink until college. And even now, we rarely drink together. There’s just something hysterical about seeing the same girl you use to take kiddie ballet lessons with carried out of a bar

Back That Ass Up

Last night at the bar.

A 40 year old lady stopped me to rave over what a great ass I had. She texted a picture to her brother. In Nebraska. And then proceeded to try and set me up with him. Over the phone.

In the words of Jerry Seinfeld: “What is going on in this community?!?”

In my small town, there are few very bars. Even fewer than you’re not risking your life by going in. And, as I found out within 5 minutes of walking in, even fewer with classy clientele.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, give me Vegas!!

So Hott

So, I’m a little (ok, a lot) lazy and don’t feel like doing anything yet today (yes, I just got up), so I think it’s time for another trip down memory lane…

Legendary Party Night #2: Kid Rock’s Band

It was a typical weekend in NashVegas a couple months ago and Katelin and I head downtown. We meet up with The Cool Chaps at the honky tonks for a couple drinks, then ditch them and go to The Beer Cellar. We couldn’t have been in there more than 2 minutes before a bald, I-used-to-be-hot-but-now-I’m-old,-but-I’m-still-trying guy approaches us. Being the friendly girls we are, we chat for a bit and find out this guy is hysterical, so we grab a table with him. As soon as we sit down, suddenly a pack of guys appear from nowhere and start pulling up chairs and extra tables and we meet his friends. Introductions are made and we find out that they’re Kid Rock’s band. Manager, drummer, body guard, sound tech.

Well, Katelin and I find this just hysterical, but the guys are cool and we’re drinking for free now, so we stick around. The beer is flowing and we’re all wasted when we decide to go to another bar.

But before we do, the sound guy motorboats Katelin and provides us the only picture we have of the evening:

*note: I black out about here, so the rest is what I’ve heard from Katelin*

We walk outside and a black Hummer stretch limo pulls up for us. We pile inside and head to a strip club, where we’re all waved in for free. We sit down at the table and the cocktail waitress comes over with a bottle of Jack and a bottle of Grey Goose, sets them down, smiles and says: “It’s on the house.”

I must be thrilled by this, cuz I grab the Jack and start to guzzle it straight from the bottle.

The next memory I have is a very blurry one… laying on the floor of the bathroom, crying, with Katelin telling me I have to get up because we’re leaving. This does not work, nor does a stripper -in only a thong- coming in and trying to help Katelin scoop me off the floor.

What does work is Kid Rock’s manager, who I guess I’d been chatting it up with all night (do I know his name? No.), coming in the women’s bathroom, picking me up like a baby and carrying me out to the car. Where I proceeded to cry on his shoulder and tell him the story of my life all the way home. He tells me he’ll call me, and I respond with “No you won’t. Don’t even say that, cuz I know you won’t.” (Follow up: Did he call? Of course not.)

During all this, Katelin is up in the front seat of the car w/ the drummer. Making out. Topless.

They invite us back to the hotel, but I refuse, saying I absolutely have to go home. I wake up the next day at noon, at Katelin’s house, hung over as shit … with NO clue how I got there or what had happened since about midnight the night before.

So there you have it: Something that would only happen to us. And I don’t even remember it. I guess I’ll just finish it off by saying “Classic me!”

I Love This Bar

Every time I go out drinking with my friends here at home, I’m reminded how ridiculous (in a good way!) the friends I’ve made since moving away are.

I’m also reminded how *incredibly* much we drink.

Nonetheless, good times have ensued this weekend. 4th of July … bon fire after the fireworks. Chill, but a great time. It’s always sooo great to hang out with the people who’ve literally known you you’re whole life. You don’t have to pretend to be anyone or anything for them and no matter how long it’s been, you can pick up conversation like not a day had passed.

So then last night, the girls and I head down to the bars. I am ecstatic that all the patios are open, every single bar is packed, and live music is pouring out from every door as far as the eye can see. My friends, on the other hand, are less than happy that we have to stand instead of finding a seat, have to yell over the music, and that we’re getting approached by random men. Difference #1.

#2 is that I start pounding the drinks … it’s already 12:30, we’ve got to get going! Unlike my normal drinking crowd, I am the only one doing this. By the time we hit a dive bar with a band that made the sad mistake of covering Cher’s “Life After Love”, I’m buying rounds, singing along, flirting with the bouncer and telling stories from high school that probably should have stayed secrets. Is everyone else relatively sober? Yes.

*wah wah*

But, whatever. So what if a Saturday night in Columbus doesn’t entail bar dancing, babes and black-outs? As miffed as I was at first, the more I think about it, I’m glad. I think I’ve changed alot from the person these friends once knew. But it doesn’t matter. We still have a great time. We still love hanging out together. And best of all, we still have an ass-load of memories.

Home may not be college, and I miss The Summer Haus Girls like crazy, but I think maybe I can still have a good time here…

[This got sappy. How the hell did that happen? Who turns a "woo hoo it's Saturday night and we're all going out!" story into a "remember your roots" story? Sorry.]

19th Nervous Breakdown

… is what I’ll be having if I don’t get out of Delaware. And that’s just for today!

I swear to God, this town is designed to suck every ounce of energy, excitement and ambition out of you. All within 24 hours upon arriving.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s always nice to come home, see the fam, your old friends, etc. But to stay longer than a day or so … no. This place was made for 30 something’s with packs of small children and/or 60 to 90 something’s who have lived here their whole lives.

You want to go out at night? You want people your own age? You want to do something -anything- interesting, other than drag racing down Sandusky Street? No, no and no.

boredboredboredboredboredboredboresmagee

Wave good bye to good times and funny stories, because these are the highlights of the past 3 days of m’life:
1) Having XM radio in my rental car (ok, this is not overrated – I’m obsessed with it and need it back. Now.)
2) Getting bagels from Buehlers
3) Plotting to get the Mustang convertible that I want
4) Laughing at Angela for fitting in with the old people a.k.a. driving 35 mph
5) Having cable

ARE YOU fucking KIDDING ME!??!!? AHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh …. this is how I feel:

meh.